Letter of the day: Haiti suffers, and Robertson sees the hand of Satan

Photo: Pat Robertson, Sikh Times

"Letter of the day: Haiti suffers, and Robertson sees the hand of Satan" is a letter published in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.

You may have heard some of the less-than-kind words Pat Robertson recently said regarding the devastation in Haiti, but you may not have heard the reply. From the Devil himself:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS

(From NPR/Minneapolis Star-Tribune)

Conversations About the Internet #5: Anonymous Facebook Employee

Conversations About the Internet #5: Anonymous Facebook Employee is an article by Phil Wong written for The Rumpus. It may or may not be fiction. The articled talks about the inner workings of Facebook, the company,

Some choice bits:

Rumpus: So in what other ways do you track behavior, that isn’t necessarily obvious to users?

Employee: We track everything. Every photo you view, every person you’re tagged with, every wall-post you make, and so forth.
...
Rumpus: You’ve previously mentioned a master password, which you no longer use.

Employee: I’m not sure when exactly it was deprecated, but we did have a master password at one point where you could type in any user’s user ID, and then the password. I’m not going to give you the exact password, but with upper and lower case, symbols, numbers, all of the above, it spelled out ‘Chuck Norris,’ more or less. It was pretty fantastic.

Rumpus: This was accessible by any Facebook employee?

Employee: Technically, yes. But it was pretty much limited to the original engineers, who were basically the only people who knew about it. It wasn’t as if random people in Human Resources were using this password to log into profiles. It was made and designed for engineering reasons. But it was there, and any employee could find it if they knew where to look.

I should also say that it was only available internally. If I were to log in from a high school or library, I couldn’t use it. You had to be in the Facebook office, using the Facebook ISP.

Rumpus: Do you think Facebook employees ever abused the privilege of having universal access?

Employee: I know it has happened in the past, because at least two people have been fired for it that I know of.

Oh Facebook. There is no quicker way to ignite the blogosphere than to juxtapose the words "facebook" and "privacy." Or maybe to write inacture details about computer science. Click through on "from" link to see what I mean about the raging discussion on metafilter.
(From Metafilter)

What sound can do.

What sound can do. is a Youtube commercial for a sound effects and lighting firm in Milan. I'm not fond of posting commercials, I just like the idea of a smart typist baby.

(From Buzzfeed)

First Porn, Now Video Games!

Here on TOTI, we just recently explored the world of porn with the help statistics and now, following in similar footsteps, we have video games!

Original Source: Online Education

(Found by Darc_Oso at Neatorama)

Hipster Runoff

Hipster Runoff is "intended to be a 'culturally relevant' blog."

It's laid out like a zany online zine. Everything is way too big. What caught my attention was the linked article about the guy who "tattooed" "child molester" glasses on his face.

To anwers the questions on the bottom of the article, yes he is trying too hard. And yes this makes me kind of sick.
EDIT: The article in question was based off of a youtube video by Neverhide films which does viral marketing for RayBan. F. Y. I. it's probably a faaaaaaake. Again: trying too hard, corporate hipster douche.

(From Firmhument)

The Periodic Table of Awesoments

While I don't necessarily agree with every element (Bob Saget, for example), it is good to know that there is a table of Awesoments.

My question is... what happens when you mix the Awesoments?

Some things obviously go together well:

BaMkGr

Some compounds seem absolutely terrifying:

ShBb

(From 9GAG)

Crying Sorority Girl

Granted, this viral video made the rounds starting back in 2008. But it's just too hilarious to not resurrect!

Seems the wanna-be Alpha Chi wanted to create a special winter wonderland surprise for her potential sisterhood by spraying the hallways with the fire extinguisher. Rather than waking up to a foamy wonderland, the sisters were awakened by the blaring fire alarm. In the middle of the night. During finals week.

What else can a true friend do but record your meltdown and share it with the entire world?

(From YouTube)

Letters of Note: Correspondences Deserving a Wider Audience

From the website: "Letters of Note is an attempt to gather and sort fascinating letters, postcards, telegrams, faxes, and memos. Scans/photos where possible. Fakes will be sneered at. Updated every weekday."

The image above is part of a letter written by John K., the creator of the show Ren & Stimpy. He wrote this awesome letter in response to a question from a very avid fan.

(From sheepthief on reddit.com)

Welcome our Guest Bloggers!

Dear TOTI Reader,
Extend a big welcome to our guest bloggers! I have been running a truly daily blog for a while now and it's finally become too much for one lone author.

I wanted to keep it going, so I asked a cadre of loyal readers to (each) attempt 2 TOTI entries in the coming weeks. It will big a big mystery who will come through or when.

Shhhh: Darc_Oso is up first. Give them a big hand.

Cheers,
WEB du Blag

PS: If you think you'd like to guest blog, shoot me an email.

Student Brings Typewriter To Lecture

Student Brings Typewriter To Lecture is a Break.com video showing a student who brougth a typewriter to a lecture hall instead of a laptop. WAH-WAH.

The best part about it is the "ding!" sound.
The second best part is the commentary about this video.

From Buzzfeed:
[Editor's Note: Man, lecture halls must have been so loud back in the old days.]
Buzzfeed Commenter: "Uh, nobody typed during a lecture back in the old days. We scribbled notes with a pen. In a paper notebook."
Rebutted by second commenter, "O RLY?!"

And finally, commenter from Gizmodo, "What class is this, Douchebaggery 101?" Touché.
(From Buzzfeed)