Weekend Competition: Tom Swifties

Weekend Competition: Tom Swifties is a New York Times word competition. They explain:

“ Tom Swifties' are curious puns that monkey with the description of reported speech for comic effect... This weekend, co-vocbularists are invited to submit their own Tom Swifties – the more convoluted the better. Additional points will be awarded for references to current affairs... For example:

'I manufacture table tops,' said Tom counterproductively.
'Let’s have a debate about cows,' Tom mooted.
'Who discovered radium?' asked Marie curiously.
'Just parsley, sage and rosemary,' said Tom timelessly.
'This sea-spray will ruin all the metal-work,' said Tom mistrustfully
'I can’t tell you how much it resembles a table,' said Tom veritably.
'Show no mercy killing the vampire,' said Tom painstakingly.
'It keeps my hair in place,' said Alice with abandon."

Get it? Get it? A BAND ON? VERY TABLE-EY? MIST-RUST-FULLY? Quite awful, and delicious. The comments are running wild.

(From the K )