Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Not Always Right

(The customer is) Not Always Right (NAR) is a website featuring conversations between annoying customers and vengeful cashiers, store clerks, and salespersons. Users can submit quotes and vote them up or down. The people behind NAR were inspired by previously featured site Overheard in New York, according to the about page. Enjoy a few winners:

A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**
Fast Food Ontario, Canada

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)
Coworker: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”
Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”
(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

Customer, to his passengers: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”Customer, to my coworker: “Okay, I’m ready.”
Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”
Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”
Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

Retail Defender, AntiCheapskate Edition
Electronics Store Chicago, IL, USA

(I work in a large electronics retail chain. A guy asks me to find the latest version of Norton AntiVirus for him, which I do. He takes a look at the price and starts yelling about how outrageous it is ($100.00 US).)

Guy: “What the h***? How can you people get away with this? This is a scam!”
Me: “Sir, I can suggest another type of protection if this one is too expensive…”
Guy: “No way! This is the one I want, but I’m not paying this.”
Me: “Sir I–”
Guy: “I bet I can find it online for much cheaper. Heck, even free! ”
Me: “Sir, I think that–”
Guy: “That’s what I’ll do… I’ll find it for free online! Better than this s***!”

(A young woman nearby is listening and speaks up.)

Woman: “Yeah, you can find it online, for free.”
Guy: “Really, where? Tell me!”
Woman: “L****” (Warning: This is a disturbing porn site that I would not recommend viewing.)
Guy: “Thanks!” *turns back to me, smirking* “Ha, guess I won’t be spending any money on this s***!”
Me, to the girl: “That… was awesome.”
Woman: “Well, an a**hole like that deserves it. I figured that you couldn’t tell him that without getting fired.”

(The young woman gets a free gift card; that guy never comes back. I still wonder what went through his mind when the site popped up.)

iPod, Meet iDiet
Retail Minneapolis, MN, USA

(I’ve just spent about 10 minutes answering fairly standard questions from a customer about an iPod. Then, they asked this one…)
Customer: “Oh, before you leave I have one more question!”
Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”
Customer: “Will the iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?”
Me: “No…?”

(I was so dumbfounded I didn’t realize how stupid the question actually was until 10 minutes later.)

Bad Customer Tip #103: Pull A Clark Kent
Computer Store Buenos Aires, Argentina

(A man on his mid-forties shoves a DVD case on the counter, while yelling at me. Keep in mind that I’m wearing glasses.)

Customer: “This DVD doesn’t work, G** D***it! I want a refund!”
Me: “Okay… what seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “I don’t know, it doesn’t work!”

(I open the case and check the surface of the DVD. It was so scratched that it was nearly white instead of purple, and it even had a dry fingerprint of something that looked like peanut butter.)

Me: “Um… sir?”
Customer: “WHAT?!”
Me: “I can’t give you a refund for a product that has been damaged by the customer.”

Customer: What?! The disc is fine! I want a refund!”
Me: “Sir, the disc is damaged, and I cannot give you a refund.”
Customer: “I want to speak to the manager!”
Me: “Of course.”

(I walk away to the back of the store, take off my glasses, and walk to the counter again.)

Me: “Yes, what is the problem?”

(He suddenly figures it out.)
Customer: “F*** THIS S***!” *continues swearing while he storms out of the store

(From my friend Guy)

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